The Beauty of Self-Love

Not as Selfish as You Make It Out

Self-love is tricky. It can evoke feelings of guilt and selfishness. Remorse, even. Contrary to what old clichés would have us believe, however, loving and taking care of yourself is not necessarily a selfish act. Rather, it can be a matter of survival.

It is never wrong to put your happiness on your list of priorities. Sure, there’s nothing like the feeling of fulfillment after helping someone out in need. But here’s the thing: you can’t give what you don’t have. You have to periodically refill the tank.

Every now and again you need to do something for you, something that makes you happy. It can be something as simple as taking a long bubble bath or chilling out at home with your pets. If you want something a little grander, why not go on a vacation to your dream destination? Or maybe you can do small things on a regular basis, and then do something big every so often. Find what works for you.

Another useful practice for self-love is to get rid of all the toxic things (and people) in your life. You should consider doing this periodically—spring cleaning, of a sort. If someone calls you out for prioritizing your self-love, it is probably in your best interest to avoid them. Learn how to say no to things (and to people). Sometimes, being a yes-person does you more harm than good. Remember, serving others is usually a reliable path to fulfillment, and happiness is a common by-product. But learn to listen to yourself. Your body and your mind have finely-developed mechanisms for warning you when you need to take some time for self-love. Tell-tale signs include: activities that you usually enjoy now irritate or annoy you, you’d rather be alone when you would normally want to be social, and things that typically give you energy now drain the life out of you. If you think you have any of these, then it is time to take remedial action.

Another key nugget—identify all the bad habits in your life, and look for good habits with which to replace them.

Practicing self-love takes time. Yes, the unavoidable feeling of guilt always looms, but paying attention to your well-being doesn’t make you a selfish person. Remember, refilling your love and compassion tank means you’ll have more to give. The increased energy and compassion will help you deal with other people a lot better. You’ll suddenly feel refreshed, alive, and more confident—ready to take on anything.

References

McBride, Karyl. 2013. “Is Self-Care Selfish?” Psychology Today, February 10. Accessed February 23, 2017. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201302/is-self-care-selfish.

Wong, Jelly. “It’s Not Selfish to Love Yourself and Take Care of Yourself.” Lifehack. Accessed February 23, 2017. http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/its-not-selfish-love-yourself-and-take-care-yourself.html.

Rodriguez, Gillian Rose. 2016. “Self-Care Is Not Selfish, It Is Essential.” The Huffington Post, August 22. Accessed February 23, 2017. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/self-care-is-not-selfish-it-is-essential_us_57bb0794e4b029a9a466e81d.

Stevenson, Cat Li. 2011. “What It Means to Really Take Care of Yourself.” Tiny Buddha, May 3. Accessed February 23, 2017. http://tinybuddha.com/blog/what-it-means-to-really-take-care-of-yourself/.

Martin, Becca. 2016. “In 2017 Do Whatever the Hell Makes You Happy.” Thought Catalog, December 21. Accessed February 23, 2017. http://thoughtcatalog.com/becca-martin/2016/12/in-2017-do-whatever-the-hell-makes-you-happy/.

Gogh, Shan. 2016. “10 Gentle Reminders for Everyone Who Is Too Hard on Themselves.” Thought Catalog, December 26. Accessed February 23, 2017. http://thoughtcatalog.com/shan-gogh/2016/12/10-gentle-reminders-for-everyone-who-is-too-hard-on-themselves/.

Wehner, Brittany. 2017. “The Importance of Practicing Self-Care.” Thought Catalog, February 8. Accessed February 23, 2017. http://thoughtcatalog.com/brittany-wehner/2017/02/the-importance-of-practicing-self-care/.